


Tubbo see's Logstedshire

by flamingwaterworks



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Sleepy Boys Inc
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt and comfort, Logstedshire, Manipulation, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Time Travel, Tommy exile arc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:40:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29489970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flamingwaterworks/pseuds/flamingwaterworks
Summary: Karl takes Tubbo on a time travel trip. Karl shows him what Tommy went through at Logstedshire and how Dream managed to control Tommy.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 90





	1. Tommy is Wilbur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L'manberg is gone. Tubbo reminisces about his time in Pogtopia. He equates Wilbur and Tommy, realising if Tommy stayed at Logstedshire any longer then he did, he could have become Wilbur. What happened at Logstedshire anyway? 
> 
> (Hopefully it isnt that long for now, i'll probably add a bit more dialogue later on but i dont enjoy writing it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first draft on chapter 1. Im updating earlier then expected as i didnt expect the attention a 200 word outline would get. This is just a rough idea of what the rest of the fic will be like
> 
> EDIT; Im updating this chapter almost every half an hour with my new drafts lol

Tubbo stood looking over the crater that once was L'Manberg. Side by side with Tommy. They fought together. While they had lost L'Manberg and the battle as a whole, they had each other. Tubbo took Tommy's hand and gave a weak smile. The sound of withers and tnt pounded his skull. Rain poured down, soaking his presidential suit to his skin. Lightening struck the ground around them as Sapnap charged at Technoblade, mocking a duel. Everyone sat around laughing and joking, but this was no laughing matter. Tubbo had lost his country, his home. Ghostbur had lost friend, killed accidentally by Phil. Phil wouldnt intentionally hurt his children. Tubbo was one of them. Phil kept his actions and friends separate. What made this matter worse? Well, Phil didnt care that he hurt Ghostbur. Phil doesnt view Ghostbur as his son, so why would he care about Ghostbur being upset and hurt? That was heartbreaking to Tubbo. Ghostbur was Wilbur, just free of the trauma and bad things that swallowed and consumed Wilbur in his later life. Technoblade, Dream and Philza had wrecked it all. Tubbo knew deep down he was to blame. He placed Phil under house arrest of his own accord. He tried to execute Technoblade. Where did it start? what action specifically doomed l'manberg? He could stand there all night pondering what had gone wrong with his nation, but it wouldnt change the fact L'Manberg was gone. 

"L'manberg might be gone but we have each other" Tommy offered comfort, quite weakly with his shaken voice, clearly not convincing himself but he tried, for that Tubbo was thankful, yet Tubbo was still in a state of shock.  
"Tommy, if they didnt do this today, would i have become like Schlatt? Would i have become the tyrant that needed to be overthrown?" Tubbo pondered rhetorically outloud. Techno was right, absolute power corrupts absolutely.  
"Tubbo this wasnt your fault..." Tommy falsely reassures. Tommy doesnt blame Tubbo, he couldn't have prevented it, but does that really absolve him of any blame? Probably not  
"They're right" Tubbo takes a a shaky breath, before continuing "I exiled you at the command of Dream, i handed Dream the disc. I didnt see through it. I never questioned it." Tubbo began. Tommy couldnt argue against it. He falsely put his trust in a man who didnt have the best interests of his nation at hear. How could he have fallen for it? "Dream was my friend..." Tommy admitted. Tubbo jumped at hearing this. It was news to him.  
"And he did this to me!" Tommy shouted into the crater, Annoyance began filling him up. Everyone was laughing and joking with Phil and Techno. Phil and Techno had betrayed Tommy, or atleast he felt. "Since when have you been an anarchist?!" Tommy roared at Phil. "Since i was forced to kill my own son. The government corrupts tommy" Phil shouted back in a calmer tone. "Im your son too! Yet you betrayed me! Both of you! You destroyed the one thing i sacrificed everything for!" Tommy shouted. "I was upfront about it from the start Thesus, The government has to go!" Techno calmly returned. "People are above the government!" Tommy shouted back "And im a person Tommy!" Techno replied, he flew away with his trident, in pursuit of Ponk. Tommy didnt bother to pursue him Once again Tommy and Tubbo stood over the L'Manberg crater, this time joined by Quacktiy. Tubbo was silently planning his future "Thats your country Tubbo. Gone. Obliterated just like that within mere hours" Quackity was in some state of shock. Tubbo turns his back on Quackity to fully face Tommy. He stands body positioned towards Tommy yet he struggles removing his eyes from the crater of L'manberg "Tommy i want to be alone for a while" Tubbo suggests.  
"Where will go big man?" Tommy questioned, voice still hoarse from shouting, Tubbo gave him a quick glance, before averting his gaze back to the crater of l'manberg.  
"I know a place..." Tubbo really didnt. "Goodbye Tommy. We will see each other soon" Tubbo didnt wait for an answer before leaving, turning his back on l'manberg a final time

\---------------------------------------------

Tubbo was headed to an abandoned Pogtopia. He entered the dirt ravine begrudgingly, reminded of Wilbur, Tommy and Technoblade. Better days in general. He smiled to himself, recalling the good times. Like when Tommy got trapped under the pistons. Like when Tommy explained marriage fraud. All the nights they spent awake telling each other jokes and stories to pass the nightmares. All the nights they spent awake as a family, as friends. In that moment, Tubbo was happy. To him, Pogtopia was a game. He could still enter Manberg, just as Schlatt's lacky. Thats what bothered Wilbur so much. Tubbo could go back and leave those of Pogtopia. He still possessed the ability to go home to Manberg. Government drove Wilbur insane. He lost his friend and a brother that day. There are buttons scattered everywhere, a grim reminder of what Eret pressed in the final control room, a grim reminder of what Wilbur had a fixation on before his death. Wilbur calmed down in death, he could only ever be free in death. Maybe Tubbo was the same. A burnt out fire, pot holes filled with water, dead torches and lanterns, monster after monster, abandoned beds, an empty farm, chests filled with junk, a broken portal, a forgotten about piston trap, a meeting table scattered with plans. All just left to rot. Tubbo couldnt wait for the day Pogtopia rotted away to history. Eret wouldnt let it be forgotten, but it was a start. 

Tubbo sat by the abandoned fighting pit. Legs dangling over the edge. Where Tommy fought technoblade. Reflecting. When Wilbur was losing his mind, he isolate himself. He hid himself away from the world, no longer trusting himself to be surrounded by those he loved. Tubbo regrets never pushing Wilbur. Maybe he could have saved him from himself. If Phil hadnt killed Wilbur that day. Tubbo tried his best to never hold that against Phil. It was Wilbur's last request to be murdered. He tried his best to forget about it. The picture of Wilbur bleeding out on the floor, a deep puncture wound on his chest while Phil stood crying was burnt into his brain. Nobody tried to save Wilbur from dying. Nobody attempted to stop Phil or Wilbur. Tubbo watched as Phil held the dying Wilbur close to his chest. Sobbing silently, they couldnt mourn while fighting Technoblade. Tubbo couldnt take his past back, but he could explore it to prevent his future being the same. He was just a child that nobody had bothered to protect from the horrors of war. There was no time for mourning and crying when theres a war that needed to be won. Dream has made an enemy of Tubbo, at least Phil and Technoblade had a reason. 

Tubbo had isolated Tommy by sending him out to exile and then not visiting him. When he saw Tommy on the prime path, they never spoke. He was happy with Dream, or was he? Tubbo had seen his discarded clothes. Ripped and teared. Techno talked about how grey his eyes went. Tubbo wanted to see Logstedshire. 

Guilt built inside of him however. He saw how insanity wrecked Wilbur and he almost let it wreck Tommy. He needed to see logstedshire, maybe he could piece together some clues as to how bad tommy had it. 

\---

Tubbo had arrived at an abandoned Logstedshire. There was a small hole, which he initially mistook as a small creeper he, and probably would have continued to believe if not for the small sign that read "Tnret" 

A small dirt path had been carved. An abandoned portal lay around. Bedrock that read "Drista" placed. Tall torches had been built. There really wasnt all that much to see. Damp wood rots so if Tommy had built anything more, it was lost to history. 

Tubbo's wet presidential suit clung to his body. Cold and damp. A reminder of what he had just seen. He was the forgotten child of war. Hes only been isolated for maybe 6 hours at most and he already felt depressed, cold and alone. He isolate Tommy for almost 3 weeks, not bothering to visit. He cries at the thought of what tommy went through. Alone with Dream and the floating remains of their brother.

Over closer to the woods stood a stripped birch house. "The lads on tour". He entered the house. Blue dye stained the walls and floor. Ghostbur had been here. There was a hole in the floor with blood splattered on the walls. Not enough blood so that someone would die, but enough blood for it to have landed them in critical condition. Tubbo felt a sudden surge of sickness. Like his body wanted to discard of the pie he ate before. He knew where the blood was from, Tommy had an explosion mark on his arm. Its where Dream had blown up his stuff. 

Tubbo felt even more sick. Tommy thought of Dream as a friend. However Dream was blowing up his belongings. Was Tommy that isolated that he turned to Dream, a man who manipulated him and abused him emotionally, for comfort? What had tubbo done? Suddenly he felt a wave of relief that L'Manberg was gone. It caused him to prioritise his power over his friendship. Tubbo stood still. Silently crying. He fell back onto the blue stained wall. Head in hands, shaking it. Repeating one line to himself, "I wasnt that bad". Before he knew it, he was screaming it to himself. Not even he believed his own thoughts. All the pain he inflicted as President, who could blame Technoblade, a man he almost excuted, for blowing up his country? Was this how Phil felt? Tubbo wished he would just stop feeling.

After a certain amount of time. Tubbo had fallen asleep against the blue birch. Presidential suit clinging to his now dry skin.

"hello?" a quiet voice rung, it had a certain kindness and warmth to it. "Hellaœ." Tubbo replied, tommy used to make fun of the way he pronounced his o in hello, he recalls the memory fondly. He rubbed his eyes and stood alert on his feet quickly. Removing any evidence for how he felt. "Hide the emotions" he told himself quickly. 

"Tubbo..." Karl replies, he appears behind Tubbo. Tubbo hardly ever see's Karl these days.  
"I've heard about l'manberg, Tubbo im sorry about it" Karl offers sympathy.  
"Its okay Karl, it had to go. I dont want to be the next Schlatt..." Tubbo shuts down Karl's sympathy. Karl didnt like l'manberg but he wasnt about to berate and call out Tubbo when he was clearly down. Karl glanced around the house.  
"What's this place?" He questioned.  
"Logstedshire, Tommy and Ghostbur came here when i exiled Tommy. Ghostbur followed him. He fell into a depressive state all because of me" Tubbo sighed, reminiscing about what he did, "i never saw him after that, till i let Dream convince me he blew up the community house" he added.  
"Tubbo," Karl offered his support and condolences

They talked for a while and walked around Logstedshire. There wasnt that much to see or do  
"You know Tubbo, i could show you what this place once was" Karl suggested.  
"You would do that?" Tubbo asked cautiously. He knew what Karl was getting at. Time travel.  
"Yea, just get changed first and i'll take you back" Karl joked


	2. Tubbo's Faults

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy descents further into his depression. Karl starts to blame Tubbo. Hes the tyrant Schlatt was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Theres a chapter where Tommy self harms and also contemplates suicide. TW's are used on individual chapters. Look out for (///) and read to see whether it starts or ends there. 
> 
> Stay safe. 
> 
> PS: SI stands for suicidal ideation, and SH stands for self harm.

Tubbo hit the floor hard. Soft grass lay underneath him. Green and alive, with dry mud underneath it. At least it wouldnt bruise. Karl had landed on his feet. Seemingly a natural at it. Tubbo wondered how many times Karl had done this. 

It was mid-day. Actually quite a nice day, better weather then what they get in L'Manberg. Tubbo internally corrected himself, its past tense now. 'All thanks to him' he whispers out loud. Karl offers him a hand to help support him. Tubbo accepts and is pulled to his feet.  
"This looks so much different from how we saw it." Tubbo comments. The weather is so much better. Wood wasnt rotted.  
"Yeah. Look theres Ghostbur and Tommy" Karl points. Two figures step out from the small birch base. Tommy's clothes look torn but nothing severe. His hair is dishevelled and messy but thats to be expected.  
"He looks rough" Karl says, Tubbo has seen him in worse condition.  
"You exiled him of your own free will right?" Karl asks, seemingly curious.  
"Yeah but i was under pressure from Dream" Tubbo defends. Him saying that is no different from Technoblade saying he was under peer pressure and had to kill Tubbo at Schlatt's orders, his inner thought sounds like Tommy.  
"Oh right" Karl says, more willing to drop the conversation. 

Tommy doesnt seem the happiest. Hes sulking and not as animated as usual. He's not yelling and shouting, hes speaking just above a whisper This must be the start of his descent into depression. Another figure approaches. Lime green. Its Dream. Any brightness left in Tommy's face immediately fades upon seeing who it is. 

"Karl can we get closer?" Tubbo queries.  
"Sure." Karl abides, grabbing Tubbo's hand and softly walking closer. They hide behind the birch building. The conversation is clear now, although they cant see Tommy or Dream.  
"Tommy, nobody wants to visit you. Im all you've got..." Dream doesnt sound the slightest bit sorry for Tommy.  
"No. No. Tubbo will visit. He's bound to. He just doesnt have a clear path. We should make one. In the nether. So everyone can come and visit." Tommy gets defensive.  
"You're in denial Tommy. Nobody likes you. Im your only friend." Dream taunts.  
"Thats not true..." Tommy sounds defeated. Hes starting to believe him.  
Tommy scrambles for a defensive but cant find anything.  
"Lets go Tommy. You need to put your stuff in the hole." Dream once again taunts  
"No..." Tommy silently sobs, but he knows by now its a lost battle.  
Tubbo is lucky Tommy and Dream cant hear his heartbreak. Tubbo lets his body fall limp and slide down along the wall. Crying. 

"Are you okay Tubbo?" Karl questions. Karl sits down next to Tubbo and inches closer, gesturing for Tubbo to lean his head on Karl.  
"Its all my fault..." Tubbo says between sobs.  
"Im the reason Dream controlled Tommy. I dropped Tommy into a state of depression. I put L'Manberg before friends. Alivebur was right. The ideas of L'Manberg are gone, they died with Schlatt." Tubbo continues to sob. Karl comforts him wordlessly. It is Tubbo's fault but he doesnt need to hear that right now. 

After some time, Tubbo had fallen asleep on Karl's shoulder. Just as the sun fell below the horizon and the moon rose. Karl wrapped his arms around Tubbo and fast forwarded time. Just to the next morning to save some time. Tubbo was stirring awake. Karl decided against immediately waking up Tubbo. 

Karl crept around the side of the house. Ghostbur was stood in the doorway and Tommy was exiting Tnret. He looked worse then yesterday, or he might not have. Karl didnt get a good look at his face. A deep cut lay across his cheek. Still loosely bleeding and his usually vivd blue eyes where more of a solid grey. His eyes had noticeable bags, one even looked like he had a black eye. Tommy was rubbing his sleep filled eyes. He look distraught. Ghostbur's yellow sweater was stained with blue dye and red blood. That must be where Phil had stabbed him. A cut that never closes. 

Tubbo appeared behind Karl and let off a little gasp at the sight of Tommy. Ghostbur shifted his body in their direction so they both ducked behind the house. Tubbo looked sick. Somewhere between passing out and throwing up. Thats exactly how Tubbo felt too.  
"What have i done?" Tubbo questions himself. 

\--- (Big TW for suicidal ideation here, also some self harm, tagged the individual paragraph with it)

(///SI)  
A few days had passed since Tubbo and Karl travelled back to Logsted. Each day Tommy looked worse and worse. Tubbo and Karl watched every single day as Dream forced Tommy to dump his stuff in a hole and lit it all on fire, or blew it up. Everyday they sat back and listened as Dream reminded Tommy how worthless he was and how nobody loved him and how Dream was his only friend. The breaking point for Tubbo was when Tommy and Dream where in the nether. Tommy lingered over the edge for a little too long  
"Its not your time to die yet Tommy" Dream said with an air of smugness. "Its never my time to die" Tommy didnt hesitate to reply. At hearing how suicidal Tommy was, Tubbo lost it. Running back through the portal and throwing himself behind the birch cabin. Ghostbur had noticed Karl and Tubbo but swore to never say anything to Tommy, Tubbo and Karl wrote "anon" notes of encouragement to Tommy. About how he was so strong and brave and clever, about how he needs to continue on, how he needs to help Tubbo come to his senses. Ghostbur would give these to Tommy. Ranboo would leave notes in Tnret and would communicate with Tommy. Tommy's face lit up everytime he saw a note in Tnret from Ranboo. So excited and eager to right back. These notes proved Dream wrong. But Tommy's excitement never lasted long. Dream would say they where "pity letters" and such. Putting a damper on Tommy's mood. 

Tommy's eyes where now a completely solid grey. Dark eyebags formed, they could easily be mistaken for two black eyes. Frequently he screamed and thrashed in the middle of the night, causing Tubbo to break down crying. His clothes tore to a point Karl was surprised Tommy knew which hole his head was suppose to go through. 

(///SH)  
One morning, Tommy went to the nearby lava lake. Legs dangling too close for Tubbo's and Karl's comfort. Tubbo and Karl took positions in the trees, next to a water lake in the woods. Tommy took out his flint and steel, lighting his skin. His skin was on fire for about 5 seconds before he dunked it in a bucket of water. He repeated this twice before heading back to the prime log and Ghostbur. 

(///SH and SI ends here but SH is mentioned)

Karl was in shock. He turned to Tubbo who was in tears and had looked away the first time Tommy did it. Letting out little gasps every time he heard Tommy strike the flint and steel. This was Karl's breaking point.  
"Look what you did to him." Karl said angrily. Usually Karl was a calm and collected person, so him being angry at Tubbo caught him off guard, upsetting him more.  
"I know. I know" Tubbo slipped down the tree, sobbing hysterically.  
"You claim you're no Schlatt, but im now struggling to tell the difference" Karl spat in disgust. Tommy was 16. A 16 year old turned to self harm to cope with what his best friend had done to him.  
"You're in the same vain of tyranny as Schlatt. You chose the Government over friendship" Karl added. Tubbo was in a ball on the ground violently crying now. He didnt even have it in him to protest what Karl was saying. Tubbo knew deep down Karl was right. He was Schlatt. 

They sat in an angry and sad silence for almost 10 minutes before Tubbo collected himself.  
"Im glad Technoblade and Dream and Philza blew up L'Manberg. Im glad its gone. After everything the Government did to Technoblade and Philza we should be grateful they didnt want us dead. That they only wanted our country dead." Tubbo piped up. Karl sat in muted shock. Tubbo picked himself up off the ground and positioned himself facing Karl. Karl had his legs dangling over the water lake.  
"Took you long enough to realise." Karl commented, quite sadly. Karl like L'Manberg, and even partook in the government of it, but now he was seeing the corruption of it. He saw what Technoblade and Philza saw. A corrupted country.  
"Yeah, too long" Tubbo replied angrily.

Night had started to fall upon them once again. Tubbo and Karl made a silent agreement to get behind Logsted. However as they approached they heard angry arguing and yelling.


	3. Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~NOT A FINISHED CHAPTER~

Karl and Tubbo took positions around the side of the birch house. Ghostbur had joined them. Shouting scared him. 

Tommy had found it in him to stand up to Dream. His own breaking point was when he called Technoblade a murderer, and said that he will betray anyone for his goals. Tommy couldnt explain why he got the sudden urge to defend technoblade. After all, Technoblade did contribute to the first destruction of L'Manberg. However at the end of the day, Tommy believed Dream had set him up. Forced and coerced him in some way, maybe promising Technoblade a healthy and quiet life. He forgave him for what he did. 

"YOU WOULD SIDE WITH TECHNOBLADE IF IT HELPED YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT" Tommy spat, tears rolling down his face. Suddenly, Tommy had an epiphany. All those anonymous notes he got, words of encouragement that kept him going, kind messages that helped him fight his own mind, they where from Technoblade. Technoblade wanted Tommy to live.   
"Of course i would. Technoblade is a resourceful man. You would too, so dont try and make this a one way thing" Dream responded calmy. An air of haughtily lingers around him, it always has.   
"YOU USE PEOPLE. YOU ALWAYS HAVE!" Tommy screams, leaving Tubbo and Karl surprised as to how he has a voice.   
"Everybody uses people to different extents, Tommy" Arrogance bleeds into his voice  
"I DONT!" Tommy roars at the mere suggestion of him prioritising material possessions over people.  
"Why did you and Alivebur let Eret into L'Manberg?" Dream remarks  
"He is European, british specifically" Tommy states  
"Yes but he lived in the USA. Does that not scream traitor to you Tommy?" Dream questions. Tommy stares dumbfounded.   
"Whats the relevance of this anyway?" Tommy folds his arms and shifts his body so hes looking at Dream from a side angle.  
"You only let Eret into the revolution because he promised supplies. You where going to use him." Dream states.   
"It wasnt like that" Tommy defends sulkily.   
"It was though. You cant lie to me Tommy. Im you friend, and your only friend" Dream smiles, too many teeth to be taken in a kind way.   
"We're not friends!" Tommy snaps  
"What makes you think people in L'Manberg like you? They think your dead, however nobody has come to check on you have they?" Dream questions  
"They respect me. They have their reasons to leave me be" Tommy removes the expression of depression on his face, exchanging it for a defiant one.   
"As i once said to Eret, if respect is the only thing keeping people from acquainting a knife to your throat, respect is nothing right?" Dream suggests. Tubbo knows the exact quote, yet Dream changed it for a more violent one. He's never heard Dream speak like that. Maybe he views Tommy as a threat?   
"THE ONLY THING KEEPING YOU FROM A KNIFE IN THE BACK IS PEOPLE'S DELUSIONS OF YOU, FEAR AND POWER!" Tommy yelled, Dream had jumped back at Tommy suddenly snapping like that  
"ONCE EVERYONE REALISES HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING WANKER YOU ARE, YOU'RE FUCKED!" Tommy finalises. He was right of course. Once fear collapses in on himself and everyone realised the common dominator of the problems, its all over for Dream.   
"How come you're so hellbent on defending Technoblade anyway? He contributed to the blowing up of L'Manberg" Dream changes the subject  
"All those notes. All those nice words. All those messages. All of those have been from him" Tommy theories. Both men stood in silence for a minute. Tommy decided to leave.

Tommy strutted towards Tubbo, Karl and Ghostbur.   
"Lets go," Karl doesnt hesitate grabbing Tubbo's hand. He guided them behind the hill, leaving Ghostbur behind.   
"Tommy thinks they're from Techno," Tubbo thinks out loud  
"Thats why he went to Technoblade" Tubbo adds on.   
"That makes sense, if i was going to runaway, i'd go to the person who i thought was leaving stay alive notes." said Karl. Both of them exchanged looks, and then fell silent as they heard distant chattering approach.

"I want out Ghostbur" Tommy whined between sobs.  
"Have some blue please Tommy, calm yourself..." Ghostbur offers sadly.  
"You're not even Wilbur. I want him back" Tommy cries.  
"I dont want to come back." Ghostbur pleads with Tommy  
"im free in death" Ghostbur adds sadly.   
"Could i also be free in death?" Tommys voice breaks, along with Tubbo's heart.   
"Theres not a place for you here in death. But theres a place for you here on Earth, its by Tubbo's side" Ghostbur retorts trying to sound cheery. Tubbo and Tommy sob further at that.   
"Im going to Technoblade." Tommy finalised   
"He wants me, unlike Tubbo" He added  
"and Theres no talking you out of it?" Ghostbur asks, aware that its a lost cause.   
"No" Blunt and concise, straight to the point. Well done Tommy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've hit a writers block. 
> 
> I want to extend the time that Tubbo views Tommy at Logstedshire but i dont know how, i think skipping the first couple of days might have been a bad move. So i'll likely go back and edit that.
> 
> This fic wont be discontinued just delayed


End file.
